Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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