three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Randomize
