Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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