Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize