Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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