Porn is love you can see.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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