Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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