I just pynch a tree in the face
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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