Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
high people should be assigned attendants
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
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