WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
