My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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