I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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