u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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