don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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