Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
