I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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