I'm eating all of the evidence.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
