if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
