what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
