How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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