i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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