when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
