I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
