Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
