tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
