I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
