Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
too bad you live with your parents still
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
