I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
