I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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