hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Randomize
