Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
