Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I got her a Nickelback box set.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
