what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize