im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
