sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
