I'm passing your future prison.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
