I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
