Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I just had sex on a roof
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
