he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
