He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
