apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
