it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
