i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
