You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
