shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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