a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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