The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
