I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
