I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize