I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
