a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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