This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
