She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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