this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Randomize
