we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
