All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
