I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
