you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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