does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
We are all done wearing pants today
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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