I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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