I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
