so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
