I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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