May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
