Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
