my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize