Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
My cat gives me a boner
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Randomize
