your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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