I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
