So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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