Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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