Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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