it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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