Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
