All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Dear god my vagina.
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