It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He shit in the fireplace
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
